Week 2
The ancient code of the Knights Radiant says “Journey before destination.” Some may call it a simple platitude, but it is far more. A journey will have pain and failure. It is not only the steps forward that we must accept. It is the stumbles. The trials. The knowledge that we will fail. That we will hurt those around us.
But if we stop, if we accept the person we are when we fall, the journey ends. That failure becomes our destination. To love the journey is to accept no such end. I have found, through painful experience, that the most important step a person can take is always the next one.
-Dalinar Kholin (Oathbringer)
-bo0ya (after starting 0-2)
Alvin Kamara Ate My Baby
This week in the NFL:
In a thrilling Thursday night game Tua may have finally bonked his noggin’ one too many times (please Mr. Tua’s Dad, let him retire while he’s not Antonio Brown). On the bright side, Tua will have a built in ad campaign for Arby’s Curly Fries anytime he wants in.
CMC is out for an amount of time that was described by his head coach with the words “no one knows.”
Deshaun Watson has become the subject of new allegations. The allegations are serious and can only be summarized as “Holy shit this guy sucks at football (and life).”
Tennessee fans are still finding ways to support Will Levis, to no one’s surprise.
The Ground went on record and stated it is very happy that it will finally get a break from Isiah Pacheco who is out at least four games. Pacheco released a follow-up statement that just said “I fought the ground, and the ground won.”
Finally, Taylor Swift officially endorsed Kamala for president. Alvin Kamara, (known for “Alvin and the Chipmunks,” “The Squeakuel,” “Chipwrecked,” etc.) misread that headline and decided to become empowered by what he believed to be Mother’s endorsement. He ruined my life.
The Brother Bowl
bo0ya’s Ornery Melonheads 131.48 - Duck Luck’s Lucky Ducks 150.74
When I typed Luke’s team name it replaced a couple of those “u”s with “i”s and I should have left it that way after the absolute sh’lacking Alvin Kamala gave me. I never should have taunted after DK’s early touchdown. Karma. Luke moves to 1-1, and drops me to 0-2. Normally this is where I’d complain about scoring the 3rd highest points total and still losing. But I’ve taken the earlier quote to heart and will be focusing on the next step (0-3 to Jesters)
The Burrow’s Boys Bowl
Chafey’s Tender Fellas 106.28 - Team Pup n Suds 127.6
Defense wins games. Or as my 8th grade basketball coach said “DEFUEUEHEBEI WINS GANEHRRNSM HHHHHHHOWFMAN!” He was also fond of shouting “STICK YOUR BUTT IN HIS BALLS” and for some reason that was always clear as day. Anyway, in this case, defense did not win the game. In fact, the Team, the Pups, the Suds decided to forgo a defense entirely, humiliating the poor tender boys even further. Chafey’s performance this week would have earned him quite a few “Boneheads” (sprints). R.I.P. Coach Flowers and his button-up sweatpants.
The J-But-Not-Both-Josh Bowl
Jesters of Staten Island 81.9 - Jtopia Football Club 120.18
Oof. Josh “I can’t believe you let me get Mahomes AND Kelce” West can’t believe he got Mahomes and Kelce and all he got out of it was this lousy 14.04 points COMBINED. Don’t worry too much though, you play me next week and #87 will remember he has to play well to make people go see Happy Gilmore 2. Jay moves to 2-0 and boasts the league’s top Points For throughout the first two weeks. He’ll hope to continue the hot start as he takes on the banged up Hard Knockers this week.
The Car Bowl
Myers Man’s Men 136.54 - Team MingusBluesBoys 107.68
Carter managed to score the 2nd highest point total this week all while missing Raheem Mostlyhurt. Most of this success was due to Came Jooks cooking. Speaking of Came, did anyone else see the end of that Falcons game? Both teams move to 1-1 on the season, and both are favored in their matchups next week. Here’s hoping Son of Car and Person who Cars can live up to their expectations next week.
The Mid Bowl
BOOF’S BIG BEEFY BOYS 95.96 - Hard Knockers 98.82
Boof battled back from a case of the browns just in time to catch the blues as he saw his comeback fall just one or two Devonta Smith catches short. It didn’t look like either of these teams wanted to win this week as both looked extremely mid. Speaking of mid, Oklahoma and Tennessee are playing each other this week. Vomit Orange vs Definitely Not Bama Red. “This is Our Year” vs “Remember that time we lost to an undefeated Boise State in the 2007 Fiesta Bowl.” Sooners (People who cheated to steal land) vs Volunteers (People who make literally no money). It’s sure to be an important game with loads of impact on college football’s postseason…… Woo Pig.
This week’s educational content:
Many of your younger friends recently gathered in Stan Kroenke’s favorite city (STL). We found this educational video to be truly enlightening and we hope you will too - https://youtu.be/araSz-Jm02o
Thanks for reading,
-William “Knights Wiki” Reno’s Replacement