LEAGUE STANDINGS

This Week in NFL/History: The main storyline of the week was a showdown at Gilette Stadium, between Bill Belichick and his former partner in crime, Tom Brady. The Bucs take this one in a thriller. Urban Meyer made headlines by deciding not to fly home with the team after their Thursday night loss, and instead opted to go bar-hopping, where he is seen running the 2-minute drill on a young woman that is VERY much not his wife.

Game Results

Team Guy Myers 152.4 - 144.68 Motor City Raw Dogs

The Smoke Show - The stakes were higher than ever before, and the scores reflected it, in this shootout between Guy and the Dogs. This matchup had real life implications, as Carter declared that a victory this week would mean a full WEEK of Jared being without Mangoes, Clarities, and Smokes in any Dota exhibitions. An absolutely crippling punishment, given Dryden's playstyle. Unfortunately for him, this week his only smoke was the deceit that he was coming out with a Victory.

As for the game itself, team Guy Myers took an early advantage riding the back of our Lord and Savior The Darnold, who continues to dominate games on his warpath to make the football great again. This Raw Dog doesn't roll over though, unless it's for a good belly scratch, and Dee(z)bo (nutz) Samuel did just that by dropping 31 points to bring life back to the Motor City sidelines. Carter was 10 Tall Boys deep at this point raging at anything and everyone online, he was beside himself, driving around Radiant Jungle begging (thru texts) Hunter Renfrow for a measly 6 points on Monday Night. Well even though he didn't get points for a huge tackle on a fake punt, Renfrow delivered nonetheless, and delivered Guy Myers to Victory and a 3-1 start. The Raw Dogs came up short but still sit comfortably atop the East, in control of their own destiny. Whether this outcome has any impact on his frivilous utility purchases remains to be seen.

Staten Island Jokers 104.28 - 116.6 Jtopia FC

After dropping a league high in points week 3, the Staten Island Jokers may have underestimated their opponent this time around, and dropped the ball in devastating fashion against the previously winless Jtopia Football Club. Scorin' Mclaurin once again goes absolutely monster berserk while staring longingly from the Jokers' bench. Jay comes into week 4 limping like a wounded dog begging to be shot, but leaves looking like an absolute GigaChad. Matty Ice served as a cool, crisp, refreshing beverage and balled out, while still managing to lose the game, in true Atlanta fashion. JFC may want to soak in this victory for now, because he'll want to put on a turtleneck for next week when he faces off with the Boob Plowers.

Boof's Big Beefy Boys 131.72 - 130.86 Tim Teboner!!

Zero point nine four. 0.94. The amount of seconds it takes for Jared to generate a pun. The amount of inches it takes to measure my hog. The amount of tons is takes to weigh Darnolds balls of steel. 0.94 Fantasy points, however, is what seperates Tim Teboner from 1-3, and 3-1. After a soul crushing defeat due to a kneeldown two weeks ago, Tim Teboner finds himself on the wrong side of a decimal point once again, as Austin Ekeler trots along just enough to seal the Beefy Boy's victory on Monday Night. Not a lot to be said about this one except Boof seals the W, and Reno goes home and re-thinks his life. If anyone lives near Will, consider checking on him and maybe remove all toasters from his household around bathtime.

MingusBluesBoys 108.9 - 149.94 Boob Plowers

I am running out of adjectives to describe just how viciously Luke continues to Plow any and every Boob in sight. Tyreek Hill decides to lay off his girlfriend for one day, and instead takes to beating the ever-living crap out of the Mingus Blues Boys. Mingus might want to consider putting himself on the DOMS report this week for psychological reasons, as he got positively yeeted this week. Derrick tried his hardest to do Derrick things, but unfortunately the rest of the team couldn't pick up the slack. Someone may have flipped the script and put something in Big Ben's drink, because he looked like he did not consent to play football this week. Boob Plowers remain perfect this season, they're the team to beat so far.

Team Pup N Suds 104.26 - 93.02 Chafey's Buff Boys

The bad news for Team Pup N Suds, they had the second lowest score of the week. The good news for Team Pup N Suds, they played the only worthless good-for-nothing idiot that managed to score less points this week. Headlined by the Titan's defense which opted to get worked by the Jets (???), the Buff Boys did not eat their Wheaties, and got taken to the car wash by the Pups. Despite being so confident in his demise that Connor even pre-emptively memed himself to be 1-4, he still wipes the floor with stupid Chafey and his inept worthless team. Good luck at TI Connor, try harder, loser, I have a GF.

The DOMS Report - A Mingus Production

Like they always say “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, strike three. “ - Batman. Here’s Week 4’s Fools.

• The Bucs lost another corner to a hamstring injury in Carlton Davis. Sounds like they will have to dig deep and see who is still available. If they don’t find some new blood soon they will be forced to bring Carl Wheezer up from the practice squad and he has a research project on llamas to finish for Miss. Fowl. It will be interesting to see if this in combination with his asthma makes him a target for opposing passing attacks.

• Logan Thomas left the field with a hamstring injury in the Washington Football team’s first quarter of play. On the bright side, they have announced they are changing their name to the Washington activities conglomeration, a more non-binary and inclusive name.

• The Bears starting running back David Montgomery should be out several weeks with a knee injury. It’s rumored the injury occured when Justin Fields tried to do the old push while another guy is on his knees to do the old dickhead trip. Seems the maneuver was unsuccessful and Andy Dalton’s pasty ankles careened into Montgomery.

• Teddy Bridgewater is injured again with a concussion. (No joke here. It’s sad and I like him. Wishing him a speedy recovery.)

• Jimmy Garrapolo of the 49ers injured his calf Sunday. We are waiting to hear the severity of the injury. On the bright side, Jimmy sent me a wonderful gabagool sandwich recipe.

• Amari Cooper of the Cowboys left their week 4 matchup shortly with a hamstring injury, but returned to action later in the game . Adam Schefter reported that Gary Danielson (SEC CBS) had called Cooper to tell him, and I quote, “I want to make that thing disappear.” If this report is correct, then who can blame Cooper for his actions in that situation.

Waiver Warden - Josh West's GM Moves of the week

Week 4 is in the books which means we’re almost ¼ way through the season! 9 total waivers were

completed with 8 being completed on Wednesday and a Tim Teboner using the coveted 1 st in line

priority to pick up a the Cardinals D/ST when he could just wait and add them for free. Now, the Motor

City Raw Dogs will have fist pick on the waivers if they ever decide to let go one of the 3 WRs out on IR

filling up their bench.

With 2nd priority (but actually 1st because Reno doesn’t understand the waiver, yet), Team Pup n Suds

picks up Chuba Hubbard. You can’t help but laugh when you say his name, but he is a tough runner and

contributed with a solid 8 fantasy points, propelling the Puppy Sudz to victory over the buff boys who

are looking super chafed this week being the only sub 100 point manager.

With 3rd priority, Jaytopia picked up Jakobi Meyers who caught 8 receptions on 12 targets for 12.8

fantasy points. In a close matchup between the Jokers and JFC, Meyers arguably made the difference! A

solid pick up from commissioner Jay who bags his first win of the year and has also made the most

waiver wire acquisitions this year with 17! Congrats to Jay on a well-fought victory – and consider

making trade vetos please!

With 4th and 5th priority, Chafey and the Plowers pick up defenses that really did not contribute.

The Jokers pick up this weeks MOST EXTREME WAIVER WIRE ADDITION with Dawson Knox who caught 5

passes on 8 targets and 2 touchdowns injecting 18 solid points into the Joker’s lineup that has been

lacking in the TE category.

Would like to add a special note about Team Guy Myers picking up Sam Darnold off the week 3 waiver

board. Looks like this could be a season changing addition. Everyone please check out r/The_Donald and

consider subscribing as this monster has averaged 28.8 fantasy points for Carter over 2 weeks. Over 4

weeks, QB1 overall, Mahomes has averaged 27.98 fantasy points. Congratulations to Carter on possibly

the most important pick up of the season!

Connor's Meme of the week