LEAGUE STANDINGS

This Week in the NFL and the World: Ho-Lee Smokes this year is absolutely bonkers. We have just ONE more week in the regular season and there are still 7 teams in the playoff hunt. This final week is going to be absolutely cracking off as every single point matters and tiebreakers are likely to be enforced. Prayers will be made, numbers will be crunched, butts will be clenched, and fingernails will be chewed down to tiny little nubbins' by this time next week. As for the games this week, well our loveable pigskin-wielding Hogboys were out there sloppin' it up on schedule. The Patriots Zapped the 'Titty-Kissin' Trubisky led Steelers Thursday Night, the Jets walked all over the fan favorite Texans, and the Ravens had a walk off Punt Return TD to take down the Gym Rat Rams. Joe Flacco returned for his annual "get off the couch and throw for 400 yards" game to lead the Browns past the Jags, the Bears deflowered the Lions in what would be an outstanding mascot matchup if they were real animals, and the Vikings scored 3 points, which, if I divide by the Raiders points, I get:

1̶̧̢̢̗͎͙͇̲̠̫̮͔͖̖̘̝͖̟̄͛̄̔͜ͅ9̵̧̰̦̫͇̲͊̋̔͂̓̓̎̾͂͐̒̑̌͌͆͘͜͝2̶̢̡̟̣̥͖͓̮̤̓̑̄͛̓̊ͅ0̷̧͖̿̽̃̃͊̎̌̈̾̾͊̔̓̀͗͘̕3̷̨̬͙͖̼̝͔̰͍̦̘͑̄͛̈́͗̌̎̅̐̾̉́͑̂̈́͂̾̋̒̕̕͝͠͝0̶͙͇͖̺̺͙̭́͌̃̐̿͑̽̈́́͂̄̅̃̅̄̄̓̄̇̕ͅ3̷̦̹̣͕̫̜̹̼̗̝̯̺̻̤͚͔̟͙͎͉̭̠̈́͒̏̀͛͜4̷͇̤̮̭̫̰̦͈̰̤̮̟̣̱̟̖̘̹̖̣͇̼̦̍̉̾̐̇̍͊̔̓͛̚͘͠9̵̢̩̞̘̣̫̹̝̲̖̙͍̹̄̐͐̓̐̈̽͛͋̓̈̊͂̑̅̀̈́̈͗̀͠͝͠ͅͅ6̴̧̪̦̤̹̭̙̉̽̾̅̎͝1̸̤͔͔̯̰̿̓̿̈̀͆͊̉͘9̸̛̬̝͍̪͕̻̝̮͊̍͑͋0̷̡͙̘̝̺͇̟̙̊̽̈́͑͑̓̈̃̏̾̓̄̑̕͝͝2̶̧̢̨̨̡̭͖̟͓͈̥̘̗̻͎̖̼̥͚͉͇̭̰̑͗̃̅͜ͅ2̷̛̲̘́̆͗̌͋̏̽̎́̃̆̀̎͌̆̄͠7̸̡̨̛̯̱̻̮͚̦͔̻̝̤̮͕̜͙͇̣̠͆̈́͐̈́̀̄̎̈͑̍͌͘͝ͅͅ3̴͕̖́̋̽͒͗̒̆̚͝8̶̢̢͔͕͓͖̗̻͚͚̯̼͕̫̔̽̋͠0̸̡̡̛͙͈̞͚̦̩͔̜͚̬̻͉̫̮̱̞͈̙͖̩̰̠̙̔͒̐̈́̋͂̈́̀̅͋̈́́͒̄͆̉͋̉̋̚͝7̵̪̘͚̞͉̪͋̃̎̐͊̄͂͛̎̕͜͝1̶̯͓̣̜̫͙̙͈̳̯͉͉̲̳̇̄̈̔̓̑͘͜ͅ2̵̛̖̭͍̲͙̦̘̲͙̱͍̲̭͚̭̝̖͂̅͐̍̈̈̄͒̈́̐̒̇̎̇̔́̓̌̈́̕͝ͅͅ5̵̧̞̖͙̜̲̥͙͇̜͖̜̠̼̳̗͇͚̭̹͉̮́͛̒̾̃̔̑̐́̀͂̂̾̒̊̕͜͠͝͝ͅ3̶̢̡̝̤̘̞̳̰͇̂̃̈́̓͗͋̎̄̐͗̾͌̓͐̎̄̅̓̚̕̚͘͜͠0̷̡̺̠̳̘͈̝͖̼̘̀͠8̴̢̨̡̱͕̗͍̭̪̼̥̬̪̺̙͑͌̊̓̅̽̏̐͑̉̉̾̉͒͜͝6̵̼̮̦̹̗̬̝̣͗̇̐̄͛̆̽̋͆̕͜͝0̵̖͓̠̩̙͍̥͕̱͒̉̆̈̆̽̓̈́̊̓̋̆̀̄̃́̇̌̅͘͝͝3̷̡̨̞͇͉̼̭̻̳͇̪̖̻͇͌́̄͒͌̍̓̓͗̓̔͜͝͠Ȉ̶̬̖̓̑̆͜ ̵̢̨̢̱͕̞͖̤̗̪̟̯̼͎͓̲̯̟͒̀̉̾̀͠ͅş̶̨̨̫̮̼̗͙͇͉̫̖̖͕̞̳̬͙̽͂̉͌͛̌͌̕͘ä̷̧̧̡͇̞̯̜͉̯̗͎̰̝̖̤̜̝́̈́͗͂̎͌̚͜͝ǐ̶͓̝̓̔̐͛̆̚͝d̷̡͖̮̟̞̦̭̺̩̭͓̪̫͂̔́̇̓̉̀̅͜͜͝,̸̡̛̝̣̫̼̼̹̠̮̲̺̘͓̖̳͔̻̦͈̱̼͐̑̀̈͑̒̋̈́̓̊͂̌̓̃̐̇̑̽͜͝ ̵̧̡̢̡̹̫̟̮̜̲̳͔͖̄́͐͌͌̌̓̓̆̌͑͗̔́̒̏̃̀̌͜͝ţ̴̰̼̩̫̲̦̜̅̅̀͊̽̕͝ḧ̴̼͎̼̞̘̫̱̱̜̳́̒̀̃̎̋̌͠ạ̴̧̡̧̡̨͉͓̳̰͍̤̟͖̲̭͈͎̜̼͕̪̣̲̥̾̂t̵̢̧̡̢͖̰̗̦͕͉̗̮̹̼̹̥͖̼̓͜ ̶̢̨̛͉̝͕̞̼̯͔̞̜̮̲̞͎̰̙̬̳̹̇͂̓̂̌̄̑̎̈̈͠m̷̛̳̳͍̯̺̘̭̦͚͑͑́̊a̶̛͇͓̰̜̝͂̆̑̃̓̃́̂̇͑̓͗͋̑̕̚̕͝ḵ̷̲̦͖͕̤͓̦̟̳̗̭͍̳͉̙͚̂̍̑͋̈̂̓͑̌̀̃́̈̕͝͝͝ḙ̸̢̢̡̨̛͙͍̖̠̪͈͖̠͔̣̟̦̭̪̮͙̔͌̀̈́̓̋̅̇͂͑͐̀̄͝͝s̴̩̩̦̒̐̿̓͘̕͠ ̴̡̛̤͙̮̜̞̟̠̝̮͖͉͈̲͓̱͉̑̏̄́͐̄̆͜͝m̷̡̢̧̖̝̳͕͔̹͈̩̣̦͖̠̪͙̋̈́͋́̊̍̏͌̇́̈́̋̋͂̀̆͛̔̔̕̕̕͝͝y̸̯͔̯̝̩̟̰̗̦̜͙̪͔̹̤̜̋̎͌͗̄́̈́̉͒́̀́͗̎̈́͌̄̂͋̆́͛̕ ̸̣̫͍̗͙̅́̋̿̉̾̌̽̕m̶̝̳̻̲̻͇̹͗̈́̿͊̅̉̌̐̾̔͋̍̐̍̅̀̾̒̀̕̕̕͝ȩ̸̧̧̢͓͎̼͓͚̠͎͔͇̪̟̝̬̀̏̀͑̅̌͊͗̍͊̽̐͛̈́̎̐͘͝͠͝ͅâ̸̡͍̟̻̅̉͜ͅt̶̨̫̺̒̽̿̈́͌̐̄̓̍͋́̾̆̅̾̾͐̃͝ ̶̱͕̲̪͔̠̠̑̆͊͌͑̏̽̿̎̅̉̅̔̊̚̚͠͠͝͝͝͝b̵͓̥̼̙̺̞̟͍̫̩͕̠̠̞̤̒ŏ̴̧̥̗̟̘̫̝̳͈̺̗̜̝̝̭̳̮̰͓̹͓̔̑̎̑̔̊̃̒̌̽̇̉͊̈́͊̕͝y̸̡̡̨͚͍͙̙̟̠͍͕͙̥̮̰̠͔̻̯̦̪͆͌̌̾̐̇̏ ̸̛͉̞̱̞͛̈́͋͆͐̃̒̀̐͋̑̓͋͆͑̕̕͠͠ḥ̵͉̼̦̯̮͙̟̲̆̀̀͐̀̆̔͠͝a̶̡̡̛̫͙͎͉̖̣͐̓̐̓̔̊̑̏̔̓̽̋͂̋̀͛̽͘͘͝ŗ̶̦̻̼̣̯͎̜̦̮̠̠̬̤̞̦̗͛̏̋̈́͐̀d̸̛͕̹̜̯̥̩̤̲̎̈̎̆̆̎̄ͅ ̵̥̰̞̖̗͉͚̲͎̞̗̗̭̲͕͎̯̱̅̋̑̏͒̇͆̓̔͛̇̈́̅̏̈́̇̚͜ͅ1̷̛̫͈̬͎̔͌͌̈́͆̌̀̄̃̉̆̇̾̑͘̚͘͜͝ͅ2̷̨̡̤͖̜̹̞̮͔̖̹̥͉̰̻͆́̒̇̐̐̈́̉̃̚̚̕͜͜ͅ8̴̧̬͗͂̽͛͋́̾͐́̃͗̀͠8̵̧͓̮͕͚̔͝2̷̹͔̖̯̫͕̦̞̼̗͔͈͑̾̃̓̓̓̚̕̚͜͝3̸̨̢̻͎̟̜͔͖͎͔̲͑̔͊̈́̅̅̊͂̀̄͗̚̕͝4̸̧̢̨̙̺̲͓͎͇̮̟̺̲̺̫̞͑̍̒̌͆̂̉̀̓͑̃̄̀̔̽̇̓̚͜͝͝͠5̵̨̢̲̳͕̣̣̫͔̠͚̭͈̗̪̪̙̤̥͍̈́͑̿́͋͑̅̀̕͘͜͜ͅ5̶̧̡̛̛͈̮̖͇̼̱̼̤̳̖̞̹̰̮̰̮̃̒̃̈́͌̓̊͆̃̆͋͗̇̌͆͛͜͝͝ͅ.̵̨̙̳̜͌̐̈̋̈́̾̾̀̎̎͐ͅ9̴̭͙̦͕̒̈́͝?̴̨̧̗̗̠̞̩͓̟̲̫̫͍͇̭̳͔̲̝͈̹͍́͌̕͜͜ͅ?̴̢̢̨̧̥̜̗̭̻̳̯̤̙̞͔̺͙͚̳͇̩̗̩͊́͆̾̀͆̽̊̔̈́̔̊̈́͘͘̚̚̕͘ͅ?̶̯̞͌̈́̌͋͗́@̵̡̛̥͇̖̤̹̫͎͉̯̱͈͇̣̠͆̿̔̇͆͗̏͆̚#̷̗̺͈̹̖̹͚̝͖͙̟̗̗͎̖̏̍͗̅͝ͅ*̷̯̱̮̯͕̍͊&̵̡͔̮̿̚͝$̷̡͉̗̦̏̏̿̈̓̃͂̚͝1̸̧̣̣̻̘͔̝̬̘̮͔̯̪̹͑̈̃̔͋̓̂̈͋̓͠͝ͅ0̵̝̻͈̣͇̪͎́̏͘

But the craziest game of all was Monday Night when the Tennessee Titans travelled to Miami to take on the Dolphins at Hard R stadium. The Titans were looking good, then they were looking bad, but then they were looking REALLY good and they pulled off one of the craziest comebacks we've ever seen, mainly thanks to their strategy of just injuring Tyreek Hill (Why didn't other teams think of this? Are they stupid?).

Game Results

Myers Mans Men 112.16 - 104.0 Team MingusBluesBoys

Carson stormed out the gates this year as the clear favorite, separating himself from the pack with a 6-1 start. But Carson knows better than anyone that the Fantasy season is a marathon, not a sprint, and since their hot start, the BluesBoys have limped to a 2-5 record, throwing him right back into the mess of all the other playoff hopefuls. During this week's bout with the Myers Man's Men, the BluesBoys came up just short, thanks largely to Tyreek Hill's injury. Reek has been absolutely carrying the BluesBoys on his back, and his partial absence shows what a big piece he is to this squad. Carter battled through a Justin Herbert injury, and will now have to look elsewhere for a QB as Herbie goes on IR and Brandon Staley likely gets taken out back to be shot and put in a dumpster. Carter has to be frustrated with the inconsistency of his team, especially considering he has more points scored on the season then Stephen, who has already qualified for the playoffs. This week, however, Carter scored enough to take down Mingus, and Mingus did not get enough production out of Patty Mahomes, who was irate at the officials for doing their jobs correctly. Andy Reid was also heated, as you can see from the press conference below:

Duck Luck's Lucky Ducks 153.62 - 142.92 Boof's Big Beefy Boys 

This was a MUST win matchup for Boof, who is on the brink of playoff elimination. The good news is that only one team in the league scored more points than Boof this week. The bad news is that he played that team. Boof scored THIRTY(!!!) points more than Carter, who was the third highest scoring team on the week. It turns out that when it comes to ruining other teams seasons, the Lucky Ducks turn into the 95 Bulls. The Ducks scored 153 points, which is 30 more points than Luke has scored in any other game this season, so the stars have truly aligned for Boof to have just the worst week ever. Baker, Barkley, Deebo, and Njoku all dropped 20+ in contributing to the avalanche from the Lucky Ducks, with Saquon being the nail in the coffin on Monday Night. Buford surprisingly handled the loss with grace, and did not send out a rant that looked like the ramblings of a madman, and was not upset at all, and his son definitely doesn't think he sucks at fantasy football. Boof has a do-or-die matchup with the Hard Knockers next week, and will need a little help from others to squeak into the playoffs. For the Lucky Ducks, they will surely ruin my season next week. 

THE DOMS REPORT - By CARSON WARREN

Not too many devastating injuries this week, but Mingus did pull his back this morning and has the mobility of a 91 year old former stunt double. Here are this week’s lower back vertebrae. 

1. Justin Herbert- Herbert is out for the year after having surgery on his right index finger. Brandon Staley and the Chargers will have to go the rest of the year without him. Don’t worry though, Staley just needs to trust the process and update his resume so he might be able to get a job at a LIDS at his local mall. 

2. CJ Stroud- Stroud is in concussion protocol and we will see if he misses any time going forward. Coach Ryans has reported that he is requiring Stroud to watch the “I don’t want to use my head!” scene from Toy Story 2 at least 3+ hours per day while he rests his aching head. 

3. Justin Jefferson- Jefferson got into the game, was hit, and immediately left to not return. He was actually taken to the hospital to make sure no serious damage was done. No damage was done, but the Dobbfather has had major regression and it seems he may have to stick to Aerospace Engineering to secure his future going forward. The Vikings will be starting the hilarious comic Nick Mullens going forward, but hopefully his past podcasts and tweets don’t get him canceled and executed in 0.2 seconds. 

4. Josh Jacobs- Jacobs hurt his knee in the dumpster fire disaster that was the Raiders and Vikings matchup. He may miss time going forward, and it should come as no surprise to anyone who has watched their games this year. They hand the ball off to Jacobs 25 times per game, don’t block a soul, and then their Irish quarterback who looks like a pedophile misses a 3 yard hitch. They punt, play mediocre defense, rinse and repeat. Jacobs has reportedly requested to add a new package called the JingleHeimer (a variation of the wildcat) to give him a chance in open space. 

Connor's Meme of the week

Boof’s Best Bets™

SHAQTIN IS BACK!!!