LEAGUE STANDINGS

Drank a fifth of Vodka, dare me to drive? - Henry Ruggs, 3:00 AM, 11/2/2021. An official RIP to Reno, and best of luck to his Zombies. We love you and miss you and may the Holy Spirit bless you. This week in the NFL/News, Henry Ruggs III killed someone, OBJ's dad went on a social media rampage, and a strippers monkey went on a real life rampage vs. some trick or treaters. In Kolkata Fantasy, the playoff picture is starting to become clearer, and it's pretty clear someone in the West is going to get shafted.

Game Results

Staten Island Jokers 129.16 - 90.82 Boob Plowers

"Prepare for something amazing", Josh's pep talk could be heard from the locker room this week as he prepared for his Jokers to take on the once-mighty Boob Plowers. Led by second year stud Joe Burrow, and eighty-second year stud Tom Brady, the Jokers win convincingly to take the top spot in the East. The Boob Plowers are now on a 3-game skid after beginning the year 5-0. Boobs everywhere rejoice as they go one more week unplowed. Unfortunately for Luke, his true test begins now, as we have officially entered No Nut November, where his team will be contractually obligated not to plow. We will keep an eye on how his team manages this legal battle, and if he can return to the level of dominance we once saw.

Guy Myers 100.66 - 132.6 Team Pup N Suds

It was all treats, and no tricks this week for the Pup N' Suds, who are quietly starting to gain a foothold in the East, led by his stack of Tannehill and Brown from the Tennessee faithful. Geno Smith remembered how to throw the ball into hands, which is good for Carter, but unfortunately, also very good for Lockett, who capitalized in a big way for the Suds. Another big story for the suds has been Jonathan Taylor, who has emerged as one of the most consistent and reliable RB's in the league. For Carter, he got to see in person just how little Pitts accomplished, his QB room remains a big question mark until our fellow Christian Russ Wilson returns on the 3rd day.

Motor City Raw Dogs 100.62 - 101.42 Reno's Zombies

Lol, well this is kinda embarrasing, and almost definitely not the last time this is going to happen, but the Raw Dogs lost to the ghost of Reno past. This undead team is probably going to piss a lot of people off in the second half of the season, as it is actually a pretty solid team. Just to rub salt in the wound, the Zombie's victory comes down to a Monday Night nailbiter, and being that close just hurts even more. While the Raw Dogs are still in prime position for the playoffs, the pack is getting tighter in the East, so he is going to have to put in some work to seal the deal and get to the postseason. Unfortunately, Jared has opted to take time away from the team and is instead using his platform of activism to free Bill Cosby.

BOOF's Beefy Boys 121.94 - 106.64 Jtopia FC

Dread it, run from it, Boof's Beefy Boys arrive all the same. The Beef house is putting together a huge run so far this season and has stormed all the way into second place in the West division. The win this week brings him to 6-2, with his rocky start wayyyyy back in the rearview (insert ass joke here). Amari Cooper apparently just needed a change of coaching staff, because he put up his biggest total since week 1. Carter in shambles. As for the Jtopia Football Club, they are in real danger of relegation at the end of this season (I watch Ted Lasso), it has really been a year to forget for Jay so far this season. Does he get the prize money if the Zombies somehow win it all? are we being bamboozled?

Chafeys Buff Boys 91.04 - 123.7 MingusBluesBoys

The Mingus Blues Boys keep their playoff dreams alive, and Chafey no longer wants to be alive after this weeks rout. Despite losing King Henry, the Blues Boys made light work of a stupid worthless team of "buff" boys. Carson will need to replace his stud RB, but can still make noise in the West as there is a lot of football to be played still. A breakout performance from Michael Carter could be just what he needs, as someone has to step up to put some points in place of Derrick. Carson can savor this win and eat a good meal and drink his favorite non-alcoholic beverage, while I will be drinking bleach this evening. I don't know who told Makenzie I lost, but she has put child locks on the medicine cabinet and toaster this morning, so she's on to me.

The DOMS Report - A Mingus Production

“I killed Derrick Henry (Mufasa Cliff Drop)” (Carson Wentz to Mike Vrabel after the Colts Loss)

Here are this week's circle of life realizers.

• The headline injury of the week is Derrick Henry. He should be out the rest of the season, but he may be able to recover from foot surgery in time for the playoffs. If he is unable to return , a death by Mike's Hard alert should be put out for the Pup N’ Suds faithful.

• Sam Darnold took a hard hit to the head and suffered a concussion Sunday. We will be waiting during the week to see if he is good to go. If not PB and J Walker should be the starter. Hopefully, his play will be more smooth and less crunchy (get it?)

• James Robinson left the Jags game with a bruised ankle. We will learn more soon as to the timetable of this particular injury. For now, we have been told that his ankle rehab includes 1 hour sessions Mon-Wed with Urban Meyer doing “rehabilitative” dancing.

• After having a strong start to the season, Gronkowski has been unable to shake off injuries. After returning this week from rib injuries, he left the game with back spasms. We have reached out to AAA to see if his senior citizen discount has kicked in yet. If so, he may be able to get a discount on 2 hot and ready pizzas to put on his sore, old man back.

Connor's Meme of the week