LEAGUE STANDINGS

This Week in the NFL and the World: This week was all East vs West matchups in the Kolkata Fantasy League. The East came EXTREMELY close to a sweep, we were a single Keenan Allen catch away from seeing the West truly solidify themselves as the biggest losers. In the Big Boy leagues, there are no more undefeated teams as the 49ers fell to the.. Browns? And the Mighty Eagles were brought down to earth by the... the Jets? I am confusion on how this happened but here we are, and it was a really sloppy weekend overall with nobody scoring a lot of points except for the Dolphins. 

Connor's Meme of the week

We have a very special edition of CMOTW this week, one that I'm sure will be a treat. Connor is sending in his memes from abroad this week, as he is across the pond in Italy! Felix's relatives are giving Connor and Katelyn a tour of the beautiful Italian countryside and treating them to some homemade gabagool just like little Felix used to have on his trips back to his homeland as a child. Connor, with a full heart and even fuller tummy, has toured Italia's most famous museums, including the Louvre, the National Gallery, and the Acropolis, to bring us some zesty memes of Italy's most famous art. Each team has a dedicated meme featuring a timeless piece and probably some tasteful nudes. Mama Mia!

Game Results

Bo0ya's ornery melonheads 131.08 - 113.0 jtopia football club

Bo0ya Stephen put Taylor in his lineup next to Kelce, which I thought was a nice touch. I am beginning to see why he sent me so many trade offers for Swift a couple weeks ago. Sorry Stephen, if I had known what you were trying to achieve, I would have made it work. Adam Thielen is 47 years old and playing in his 26th NFL season, and he's quickly become Bryce Young's favorite target. Thielen is up to WR5 on the season, which is especially impressive since the Melonheads picked him up for a whopping $0 on the waiver wire. The Football Club boasted gleefully about his resolve in not trading Justin Fields, after the Bears QB finally played up to his potential last week. Justin Fields promptly got injured and now Jay will be forced to turn to the Riddler, and will have to pray that the Falcons change their entire offensive identity overnight. 

Team MingusBlueboys 142.44 - 140.52 Team Pup N Suds 

Team Pup N Suds has finished Top 4 in scoring in 4 out of the first 6 weeks, yet only sits at 2-4. The Pup N Suds have the second most Points For in the league, and yet, they sit at 2-4. This week sours the season even more as Connor's Pups score the second highest total for the week, and just happens to be playing the highest scorer. Really puts some momentum behind that idea of playing 2 matchups each week, one against an opponent, and one against the league average for the week. Also that auction draft idea, too. It's been a brutally unlucky season thus far for the Pups. Where do you turn when you do everything right but it all goes wrong? How do you aim to improve on what should be a success? Where is the moment we needed the most? You kick up the leaves, and the magic is lost. While Connor had a bad day, Carson certainly did not. He continues to utilize the strategy of "Just play the Dolphins offense" and it continues to work. Tyreek and Raheem combined for 58 points, and the rest of his team did enough to boost the BluesBoys to Victory. Carson's team is honestly a bit of a juggernaut at this point, his lineup features the WR1, WR3, RB2, RB7, TE4, and QB4 on the season. We can only hope for injuries to them all.

Boof's big beefy boys 97.02 - 97.66 Hard knockers

Whew, this one came down to the wire. Jared Goff continues to have an excellent season, and paired up nicely with Trevor Lawrence to bring a solid outing from Jared's 'Classy' QB corps. Breece Hall continues to bounce back from injury and has had stellar performances in back to back weeks now. Through the first 4 weeks of the season, the Knockers were getting chewed up, and spit out, and booed off stage, but now they have strung together a couple wins and are officially no longer the worst team in the league! The Beefy Boys have been up and down this season, unlike their betting success rate, which has only been down. The Beefy Boys had a fighting chance in this one, and it all came down to Keenan Allen on Monday Night. Just when victory seemed like it was within reach, a flag negated a catch that would have put the Beef Boys on top, and in the end, the fell victim to the poise, determination, and ultimately, the hardness of the Knockers.

Stated Island Jokers 104.16 - 90.78 Myers Man's Men 

This week was an important test for the Jokers of Stated Island. Last week their were handed an embarrassing loss that wasn't even remotely close at all. This week he tried to right the ship against a 3-2 Myers' Man with playoff aspirations. Well the Jokers still didn't really do all that well, but the Myers Men did even worse. Carters squad benefitted from some solid Wide Receiver performances, but no one else could really get the ball rolling in a tight matchup. The Jokers had a much more balanced attack, and put up enough points to send the Myers Men to .500 and get some momentum going so the Jokers do not continue their downward trend into a 'Just 4 Laffs' production. It's pretty obvious Carter took his opponent lightly this week. He was seen partying on discord Saturday Night, absolutely pounding Whiskey, and drinking a lot of alcohol too! It's also rumored that Carter didn't go to Church on Sunday, not sure if that factored into the loss here, I think there's only one person who truly knows. 

Duck Luck's Lucky Ducks Omitted - 117.14 Chafeys Tender Fellas

Due to Google Sites TOS regarding graphic content, I cannot display the full score for this matchup. Luke Finally got his stable of Running Backs healthy, with Barkley and Ekeler taking the field together for the first time since week 1. Unfortunately, Deebo remembered he was on the Lucky Ducks and was promptly injured and forced to leave the 49ers game early. The rest of the Ducks squad just didn't cut it this week, outside of Barkely and Ekeler, no one scored over 8 points. The only silver lining here is that Luke did have 2 players score exactly 6.9 points, which is pretty nice. Chafey's Fellas came in Tender as ever and got the job done this week, with Cooper Kupp returning to form by carving up the Cardinals Defense. We have to assume that having zero good quarterbacks is going to come back to bite Chafey soon. The Tender Fellas have the fewest Points Against this season, and can only rely on luck for so long.

THE DOMS REPORT - By CARSON WARREN

The Niners lost a heartbreaker as their team health imploded. Brandon Staley is still a joke and Dak Prescott delayed his inevitable Auto and Home insurance career. Here are this week’s broken warriors

Justin Fields- Fields left the Bears lost with a dislocated thumb. It is not sure if he will miss time, but without Fields, the Bears should continue to struggle on both sides of the ball. Hopefully Don Julio Moore can continue to carry this offense even if Uncle Rico from Napoleon may be the one slinging the pigskin in Chicago.

Ryan Tannehill- “Thank goodness” - every Titans fan. Tannehill suffered an ankle injury and could miss some time with Malik Willis filling in in the interim. Tannehill and the Tennessee offense have been pedestrian at best and hopefully a new QB face can inspire the squad to improve. If not, the Titans may be looking to pull a “Titan Submersible” to get a future QB in the draft.

Jimmy Garropolo- Jimmy G is hurt again and no one is surprised. This man is made of the same material as the financial stability of bitcoins or NFTs. Jimmy seems to have injured his back, and it is yet to be seen how serious the damage is. For now, 75 year old Vietnam Veteran Bryan Hoyer will have to lead the ailing squad.

Christian McCaffrey- Christian McCaffrey and his glass infrastructure once again cracked this past week. This time, his 0.00015% body fat oblique has been injured. It has actually been reported that the oblique was ripped off on the sideline by covert Giants operatives who plan to use the strong tendon to reattach Daniel Jones’ severed neck.  

David Montgomery- Monty left the Lions rout of the Bucs with a ribs injury. The Lions went on to finish the game with a man named “Craig” in the backfield. Hopefully Monty or Gibbs are back soon because the Lions do not want their running game to rely on a man with the same name and the lead singer of the local Creed cover band.

Deebo Samuel- The Niners Suffered another major injury when Deebo Samuel went down with a shoulder injury in Sunday’s loss. Gotta hate to see a player with such a great skill set and funny name get hurt in a devastating loss. However, it has been reported he plans to dress up in a yellow and black costume as “Beebo” for Halloween, so that is at least a silver lining to the football community. 

Kyren Williams- Williams crushed the Cardinals on the ground for 150+ yards Sunday, but he suffered an ankle injury in the process that will seem to keep him out of the lineup for several weeks. It is actually reported that the injury was caused on the sideline as Williams slammed into Josh Dobbs. This collision actually lodged Dobbs’ phantom eyebrows deep into the soft tissue surrounding Williams’ ankle and will require major invasive surgery. 

Boof’s Worst Bets™

Week 6

Boof’s Best Bets

Pain. My fantasy week was a mess. My Bov@d@ account is depleted. Glucose Parlay is on life support. 

“I do not have a problem, I enjoy gambling, but I think people are trying to make it seem like I have a problem, because people really don't know.”

Michael Jordan

Trends: The points total is hitting the Under  56-36 this year, and in prime time games it is close to 67%! 

bAD bEaT: Mac Jones attempted to have a game winning drive to win the game. The Patriots were down 2 and the spread was patriots +3 so they were covering. Mac had a dime to one of his sub par receivers and it bounced off of his hands. The patriots get backed up to the goal line and the next play Mac is sacked for a safety, patriots lose by 4. 

HEY YOU SAID YOU WERE DONE! Now I am DONE! Leave it in!

Boof’s Best Bet 15-16-1 🤮

Week 4 picks results:

Bears Vikings over 45 ❌

Falcons -1.5 ❌

Colts +4 ❌

Teaser: Lions +3, Eagles -0.5, bears +9, falcons +4.5 ❌

No Shaq this week L :(