LEAGUE STANDINGS

This Week in the NFL and the World: I am L this week but enjoy the other content

THE DOMS REPORT - By CARSON WARREN

The Vikings lost another major ligament and Brock Purdy might be mid? Here are this week’s Ryan Tannehills.

Kirk Cousins- Cousins has a torn Achilles and is done for the year. Seems as though the Vikings cannot catch a break, and they have gone to trade for Josh Dobbs to stem the bleeding and try to salvage the season. Kirk plans to come back, and it has been reported that a piece of Kirk “Thuggins’” chain will be surgically attached to the Qb’s heel as a part of the recovery process. 

Kenny Pickett- Pickett suffered a rib injury on top of his already lingering Knee injury. The Steelers will have to rely on the human incarnation of a teddy bear “Mitch Trubisky” to save them from a losing season. His salary consists of all monetary value being exchanged in the form of Teddy Grahams (obviously the chocolate ones.)

Drake London- Suffered a groin injury in Atlanta’s loss to Tennessee Sunday. Myers Man’s Manger was present at the game and it has been reported that another manager was seen up in the 300 section casting what looked to be like ritualistic incantations a-la Snape. It has not been confirmed what spell was cast or what its cooldown may be. 

Darren Waller- Waller is once again injured almost instantly. He has reaggravated a hamstring injury and will most likely miss time. It has been reported that he actually intentionally stabbed himself with a ballpoint pen to avoid having to take the field and endure the punishment that brings Brian Daboll and the so-called “offensive line” so much pleasure.

Tyrod Taylor- Taylor suffered a rib injury, but seems to have been cleared for contact in pads moving forward. The Giants are possibly considering signing the free agent quarterback Timbar Muddle to handle the reins if Taylor is out for any considerable time. We will let you know if any deal is reached.

Boof’s Worst Bets™

Week 8

Boof’s Best(?) Bets

We are above 500 again! Even though my units are still down BAD. Good thing I didn’t track that. Shoutout to Connor for hitting on his crazy Vikings moneyline parlay. $5 to win $305!! 

In other news, I’m very disappointed in boomer and soomer. The Booner Sooners played a funny trick on us pretending to be good and got smoked by Kansas. They play Oklahoma State this weekend in what could be the final BEDLAM with Oklahoma going to the SEC. This rivalry game has always been a lock for the over and strange things tend to happen. However, this game is inexplicably being played during the afternoon instead of at night and I’m afraid of the over. Regardless, I am obligated to bet on Oklahoma State and I think Ollie Gordon may put up historic numbers on this weak Oklahoma D. AP News mentioned his insane stats in their top 25 ranking article: “Oklahoma State sophomore Ollie Gordon II has five consecutive 100-yard rushing games, and run for more than 270 in each of the last two games...He is now the nation's leading rusher at 135.9 yards per game.” Sorry Mr. Editor, justice must be served for losing to Kansas.

Bad Beat

Ravens. Come on! They were cruising all game and then the plucky Cardinals decided to actually win. It was 24-7 Ravens with 10 minutes left in the 4th. It ended 31-24. Astro Dobbs drove to score with 1:18 remaining, to make it 21-31.  then they successfully recovered the onside kick and kicked a field goal with 30 seconds left to cover the game.

Trends & notable tidbits: 

-We had our lowest total of the year at 35.5 and I think the lowest total since 2021. Unfortunately Will Levi’s SMASHED and killed the under with 4 beautiful TDs. I’m happy to lose this one if the Titans actually have a QB. 

-Mike Tomlin has an incredible record as a home dog, but the magic may be running out. Somehow Matt Canada still has a job with one of the worst offenses in the NFL. The Titans game will put this to the test Thursday night. I like the under.

-Moneybags Joey B is incredible against the spread as an underdog. He is 12-4 against the spread as an underdog against winning teams. He is 15-2 against the spread as an underdog of 3+ or more. The Bengals may be too public of a team now, but look for them to make a run now that they have had their bye week and Joe is healthy again. 

Boof’s Best Bet 23-22-1 🤮