LEAGUE STANDINGS

Najee Harris used a Carsonpedic Mattress in College: Monday night viewers were treated to a sob story of 3Qs of traditional Bears offensive offense. Matthew Stafford did a sick 360 no scope from his on endzone. Justin Jefferson mains Donkey Kong in Super Smash Brothers. The Bills got mistaken for a 22 year old drunk college chick. OBJ proved the haters wrong by allowing the Browns to dominate

Game Results

Staten Island Jokers 71.0 - 92.26 Team Pup n Suds

It's week 9 and it's clear that Team Pup n Suds has the best defense in the league. Despite facing Aaron Rodgers, Pup n Suds completely removed him from the equation. On the other hand, Josh used the risky reverse moneyball method, povertyprayer. Trotting out Elijah Mitchell in the offensive player postion instead of a QB, proved to detrimental. Adding to Josh's woes, Daniel Jones couldn't stop stumbling around making Josh tonight's big loser.

Guy Myers 96.94 - 101.34 Team MingusBluesB..

Carter channeled his inner Rip and gave up early. Sending a "congratulations" text to Carson despite still having Najee Harris left to play. Looks like its back to the classroom to study complex machines as Carter has now dropped two games in a row. Meanwhile, Carson is keeping pace with the league even after losing Derrick Henry. Well.... actually... Carson hasn't lost Derrick Henry as he is still providing moral support and memories of what was on Carson's bench.

Reno's Zombies 96.28 - 137.2 Jtopia FC

Like some good ole Josh Allen on Josh Allen stomping. Jay flipped the script and wallopped the favored Jay this week. Would like to point out that Jay has really channelled his name for his lineup this year. Justin Herbert, Joe Mixon, Jeremey McNichols, DJ Moore, Javonte Williams, AJ Dillon, Justin Fields, Jakobi Meyers. I can only imagine that if we started a defensive player, JJ Watt would be picked first overall.

Boob Plowers 78.64 - 80.78 BOOF's Beefy Boys

The nail biter of the week. Luke had too many cooks in the kitchen as Dalvin and Brandin couldn't quite edge out Boof's former bus buddy and crew. Boof also ran a poverty prayer lineup and went with a non QB in the OP position in the face of having four QBs. Wow that is a lot of QBs. With a record of 7-2 it's hard to argue. But as the saying goes "If it ain't broke, Matt Rhule will speak vaugely of when it might retrun".

Motor City Raw Dogs 108.84 - 96.18 Chafey's Buff Boys

Chafey Buff Boys, Lights, Pugna, Charlie. What do all of these have in common? They are past their prime, out of the meta, due for an upgrade. IBS Watson had the Buff Boys as an early favorite. Even after dropping a couple games, Mr Watson only had his playoff chances rise. Across the way in the depths of Mr. Watson's mainframe, sat the Rawdawgs. After an early season win against the Buff Boys, Jared made it a sweep and remains undeafeted against the East. Of course, IBS Watson in his infinite wisdom still has Chafey at 2% chance to make the playoffs. Okay as I typed that out, it dropped to 1% hmmm.....

The DOMS Report - A Mingus Production

“He rapes, but he wins.” Mike Tomlin on his four game winning streak with Ben Roethlisberger. Here are this week’s broken boys.

• Baker Mayfield cut his knee, but it seems to not be a serious issue. A report has been issued that Odell Beckham Jr’s father released a video showing that Baker refused to bleed on his son even when he was on his knees begging for the hot red shower. This obviously contributed to his release from the team.

• Trevor Lawrence sprained his ankle in the shocking win over Josh Allen and the Bills. Seems that he was able to detach his nose and use it as a replacement ankle for the time being. Should be interesting to see if his loss of the sense of smell will affect his timing with his receivers.

• Devontae Booker suffered a hip injury and did not return to the Giants win over the Raiders. It’s a good thing he did not return, because a report has just been released that the G.M. brought an Intervention sniper rifle with plans to take out opposing skill players (since the only thing the Raiders have not been guilty of is attempted murder in the first degree)

• Chase Edmonds suffered an ankle injury and looks to be out a few weeks. In his absence, James Conner went big mode and sumo slammed the opposing team for close to 40 fantasy points. Seems this setback is setting him up to make his second comeback, the first being his successful return from the brink of death by cancer (ice cream flavor patent pending.)

Connor's Meme of the week

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