LEAGUE STANDINGS

This Week in History: Jameis Winston came back from the dead and went sicko mode on the Packers. Connor went to a Titans game and had a not very good time. The Woo Pigs wooped on the Longhorns in their "Welcome to the SEC" game. Norm Mcdonald died, RIP. AOC wore a "Tax the Rich" dress to the Met Gala. Slay queen! Also 9/11

Game Results

Tim Teboner!! 144.98 - 126.66 Chafey’s Buff Boys

What can I say, Reno bent me over and made me mash his subscribe button on this one. I kept it a game late, but the Mahomes/Kelce stack TOO STRONK. The Teboners could be scary as they put up the 2nd best score of the week even with a nothingburger from Sutton and a subpar LamaRB Jackson performance. The Buff Boys will be back and better than ever, as they are still the unanimous favorite to win the league, and obviously weren’t trying this game. GG’s Will

Staten Island Jokers 81.3 - 141.84 MC Raw Dogs

The Jokers really lived up to their name this weekend in tremendous fashion, as Josh’s poor coaching led to his bench out scoring his Starters. Truly a catastrophic display of decision making by the Staten Island coaching staff as they get blown out by Detroit. Some tough decisions coming down the road for Prince Herb and the gang to try to right the ship. The Raw Dogs look like real contenders after week 1. This team has the star power and the depth to go the distance in their inaugural season in the Kolkata League. They will certainly feel the loss of Judge Jeudy, but the WR core here has some more than serviceable backups.

Pup N Suds 139.38 - 84.34 Jtopia FBC

Even though Tannehill and Cmerry had very similar experiences at the game on Sunday (being assaulted, general unhappiness, lack of protection from Titans staff), the PupNSuds pulled off the victory in iconic Brink fashion. It was a day (and a preseason) to forget for Jtopia FC, who has been decimated by Ravens Running Backs. It may be time to hit the panic button for Jay, as he also didn’t have a single bench player score double digits. Can this manager find a waiver pick up to save his season? Or do his starters just need to be whipped into shape? We’ll find out!

BOOF’s Beef Boys 69.64 - 130.4 Boob Plowers

Wow. I mean what the hell. What a horrible showing from the Beefy Boys we have all grown to love. The reigning league champ is going to have to look at his ass in the mirror if he wants to smile this week, because he almost got lapped in the scoring column. The Boob Plowers performed in a titular fashion (lol) as this week, Boof proved to be the boobs. However, do the Plowers worry about the lack of depth? A very top heavy performance from the team this week, as a lot of the skill position players put up some duds. This team is looking fierce though, boobs everywhere should be trembling.

MingusBluesBoys 124.1 - 145.24 Guy Myers

Last but not least we have the battle of the heavyweights and former roommates. Carson is on the record as once saying “Carter, I could rape you whenever I want”. He must not have been in the mood this week, because Carter dropped some unconsensual loads on the Blues Boys in Week 1. Despite Carter’s constant complaining that he wasn’t getting the ball enough, Cooper started the week off hot by blowing the doors off the Blues Boys defense, sailing to a WR1 performance. Despite the early uppercut, Carson kept it close, but he just didn’t have that standout performance needed to steal a W. Be on the lookout to see if Rapeburger comes off the bench next time these two meet, as Carson might want to finally deliver on his promise.

Connor's Meme of the week